


You Said Forever, Now I Drive Alone Past Your Street

by DefinitelyNotAbby



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Based on drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo (Song), Break Up, Healing, M/M, Post-Break Up, im so sorry in advance, karl cant drive (yet), karl really likes the stars, no fluff just angst, theres like two sap sightings, this one is realllllly centerd around karl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29296026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefinitelyNotAbby/pseuds/DefinitelyNotAbby
Summary: How does one cope with intense heartbreak? A driver's license and the stars, apparently.(Based on the song Driver's License by Olivia Rodrigo)
Relationships: Karl Jacobs & Sapnap
Kudos: 7





	You Said Forever, Now I Drive Alone Past Your Street

**Author's Note:**

> Karl always thought to himself, 'it can’t get any better than this.'
> 
> One unfortunate night, however, he was right. Karl’s perfect paradise was upturned in one fell swoop.

“I like you too.” 

It had always been so easy to say it. Every time Karl opened his mouth to whisper sweet nothings, the words flowed like honey. Sweet, succulent, and sappy. It became even easier to say when like turned to love, sparks turned to flame, the imaginary became real. He was everything to Karl. His laugh was fatally contagious, his smiles were brighter than the sun, and his kisses… every time they kissed Karl felt like he was going to explode. The love they held together overflowed and spilled out over their rough edges and blurred lines, every ounce just as good, and wonderful, and perfect as the last. Every time they were together, Karl always thought to himself, 'it can’t get any better than this.'

One unfortunate night, however, he was right. Karl’s perfect paradise was upturned in one fell swoop. 

Karl had invited him over for movie night, a regular tradition for the two. The night was sticky and humid, but Karl didn’t mind, he felt at peace. Waiting for him to arrive, Karl sat and stared at the sky, stars smiling down at him. Their familiar soft glow offered him solace, and for a moment he wondered what it was like to be one. To be part of a constellation, bigger than just himself. To live in the night sky and be visible only to those who searched for him. He loved the night sky. It was his ever-changing constant.

Karl was snapped out of his thoughts as bright headlights blinded him, a car pulling into the driveway. Smiling, he got up to greet his esteemed guest. Yet as he approached the lone car in the driveway, he felt something off. The door stayed shut, car still running. 

He knocked on the window, “Sap? Hey, you gettin out?”

The boy behind the wheel looked up and met Karl’s soft and curious eyes with his own, filled with pain and regret. He reluctantly unbuckled, opened the door, and stood before his boyfriend. Karl was taller, but that didn’t stop him from feeling smaller in the other boy’s shadow.

“I’m sorry.”

For what? Karl thought. He was only a few minutes late; he hadn’t even ordered food yet. What was going on?

“I’m sorry,” the boy repeated, “I can’t do this anymore.”

The night was hot and humid but, at that moment, Karl froze as the words reached his ears. No, this wasn’t happening. 'He’s talking about movie night, maybe we can pick another one. No, he’s talking about his car, maybe he needs to get it fixed. He. Is. Not. Talking. About. Us.'

“If you’re talking about the movie, we can pick another one- “

“Jacobs, I’m not talking about movie night.”

“Then what- “

“Us, Jacobs…” he sighed “Us.” The boy looked down as if he were ashamed of what was going to come out of his mouth next. “I can’t keep doing this, I just don’t think we were meant to work out. I’m sorry dude.”

Karl didn’t realize he was crying until he felt tears streaming down his cheeks. Washing away their smiles, shared laughs, and soft kisses goodnight with their trail, leaving nothing but pain in their wake. He didn’t utter a single word.

“Please Jacobs, say something?”

What was there to say? 'You’re standing before me, my beating heart in your hands, ripped from my chest, and you want me to say something?'

Karl took a step back from the boy. The boy he’d do anything for. Anything. 

Shaking his head, Karl whispered, “Get out of my driveway.” He didn’t need an explanation; he didn’t want one. There was no room in his mind to comprehend what he’d done to provoke this, where he had gone wrong in this relationship. He didn’t even bother to wipe away the tears.

And that was it. Doors opened, closed, and locked. Neither boy looked back to say one final goodbye. Neither wanted to.

It had been a few weeks since the breakup. Karl had taken the time to heal, but he also kept himself busy. He thought if he just kept having work to do, kept finding more things to clean, he could ignore the loneliness setting in.

It overlooked him. Every corner of his house seemed to be emptier without the boy around. Every dent in the couch cushions felt a little stiffer every time he sat down, the food he never bought for himself began to expire. Karl started to throw out protein bars, snacks, and even things for meal prep that he had gotten for someone else. Throwing away the last remnants of them.

Almost a month later, Karl couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand the Uber drivers and bumming rides off of friends anymore. It was fine before… but now he just felt like a burden.

One fateful morning, Karl Jacobs woke up, got dressed, and prepared to take his driver’s test. On the way, he remembered jokes about his lack of a license, always sitting in the passenger seat, hands on thighs, the boy behind the wheel, kissing him at every red light and stop sign. They had always talked about doing this together. But maybe it was better that Karl was on his own. He needed this.

Fighting off childhood anxieties, nerves, and fears, he got behind the wheel of the test car, looked straight ahead, and drove. He drove to get away from ghosts in his home, judgmental eyes of neighbors, and everyone who pitied him. He drove to prove to himself that he was okay, that he’d survive, he would make it through.

The end of the test greeted him with a passing grade, a license, and a slowly healing hole in his heart. He could do this. He could get better.

The new car smell never got old. Karl had treated himself; fighting battles and winning these mental wars shouldn’t go unrewarded. The smooth leather seats and the rev of the engine helped to settle him and old thoughts of being a passenger drifted away. He was in the driver's seat now. He controlled where he went, how fast, and how long.

Long drives became a regular thing for Karl. He would go for hours on end, blasting music, feeling the wind in his hair, the sense of being free and independent surrounded him every time he started the engine.

Nighttime drives were his favorite. If he was lucky, his stars would poke through the light-polluted sky, waving at him as if to say, “You’re getting better.” Karl would even sometimes pull over, and stargaze, picking out his favorite constellations, just admiring their natural beauty. He felt at home among them, their twinkling lights filling in holes, becoming little band-aids, piecing him back together, one broken shard at a time. 

Once again it was hot and humid, but Karl still had his windows down. Driving down the highway, feeling the air slap him across the face, making him feel alive. Somewhere along the way, his phone died, but Karl didn’t mind. He kept going. So focused on the sky, the pedals, the road, he didn’t notice the turns he was making, didn’t notice the apartments turning to neighborhoods, didn’t notice the familiar sidewalks, stoplights, street signs. Until it was too late. 

Looking at the street ahead of him, driveways illuminated with yellow streetlamps, he saw another car. One he hadn’t seen since it pulled out of his driveway over a month ago. Since his heart had been shattered on the concrete. 

He didn’t realize he was pulling closer to it until he could see it was still running, taillights still illuminated, casting a faint cherry glow on the concrete. Karl reluctantly braked, wanting to just drive right by, but not wanting to draw attention to himself. Without warning, the door opened. Scratch that, the doors opened.

Two figures emerged, and Karl could almost hear the boy’s laugh. He remembered doing the same just a few months ago. The two walked inside together, holding hands, light on their feet. Before he drove away, Karl caught one last glimpse of the boy’s smile. The one he hadn’t seen in so long. The one that used to keep him going, day and night. The smile of the boy he loved. The boy he still loves.

The tears didn’t reach him until the highway, sobs pulled from his lungs by the same invisible hands that held his heart just a few weeks earlier. Pulling over, Karl realized that he never wanted to be the driver, never wanted to be in the godforsaken driver’s seat. Oh god, how he missed being the passenger, watching the boy drive, how he missed the feel of his hands, his lips, his body.

He wanted to call someone, to come pick him up. He didn’t want to feel the wind, didn’t want to look at the stars. He wanted to go home, and see the boy sitting on his porch, a familiar car in the driveway. But his phone was dead. So, with every last speck of energy, Karl found the willpower to reach for the wheel, press the pedals, and make his way home.

Phone charged, laying in bed, Karl noticed the date. On top of everything else weighing him down, the smiles, the second figure, the open wound festering in his chest, the date stares him down, daring him to move, to feel something more. The world seems to be against him.

It would have been their anniversary. 

Karl snaps.

Tears, tissues, and time passes.

He can’t bear to look at the car keys he worked so hard to get. He can’t check his phone for fear of unwanted memories resurfacing. His life becomes monotonous.

Wake up, work, eat, clean, sleep, repeat. 

His mom signs him up for therapy, it doesn’t work. Karl doesn’t want it to work. He doesn’t want to change. He wants to go back. Back to a time where he didn’t struggle getting out of bed, where he had hope, where he loved openly and freely and was loved back.

On his darkest nights, Karl turns to the sky. His backyard isn’t the highway, but it’s close. The one constant in his life twinkles above, as if to say, “You can get through this.”

After a while, he begins to take time for himself, he deletes pictures, ignores the painful memories that try to bubble up. He puts in the work to better himself, create support systems, works to heal himself.

And each night, he takes time for the stars. Karl’s nighttime routine beings with a new constellation. He studies them, learns their names, what they stand for. The ever-changing night sky becomes a steadfast certainty, his reminder, that through great change, you remain yourself. Seasons change, constellations rotate, but they will always return.

Karl realizes that he still many steps on the long, winding, road to his recovery, but there is one small step he’s willing to take. Getting up from the grass in his backyard, he finds his abandoned car keys, collecting dust on his kitchen counter. Sitting behind the steering wheel, Karl takes a deep breath and puts the key in the ignition.

He drives. He heals.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is the first (public) fic I've written, so I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you thought :D  
> (also, my twitter is @thebonecrusher_ if you wanna come say hi)


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